(Humorous Article)
“Hello! Sir, am I talking to Gul Muhammad Ansari?
No, my name is Ghulam Mohammad Ansari.
“Yes Sir, Ghulam Muhammad Ansari”
“Sir, this phone is regarding personal loan.”
“Okay fine”
“Sir, our bank wants to give you a loan at…%.”
Ma’am.. all ready my loan is ongoing in another bank. That’s why I don’t need a loan right now.”
“Sir, you can merge that loan in our bank and this will also reduce your rate of interest.”
“Ma’am, all ready, my loan has been merged, I don’t need a loan anymore.”
“Sir, your monthly loan portfolio is so good that our bank wants to give you maximum loan.”
“That’s right ma’am, the question is what will I take home if I pay off the loan with my full salary?” Will I take home a rupee? I have to run the house too ma’am.
Okay! Sir, if anyone else is in contact with you, please give them my reference.”
“Okay ma’am.”
“Sir, thank you very much for talking to us.”
Thank you.
The situation is that the health has become unwell with three to four such calls daily.
It is because of these noble people that the bankers have started looking towards the poor employees like us who have defrauded the billions and have not paid the bank loans. And also ran away from the country.
Otherwise, there was a time when government employees also had a lot of trouble to get personal loans from banks. But since this tragedy happened and the big businessmen of the country were proved to be defaulters, the banks started looking at us with tempting eyes. The situation is that from the small banks to the big and famous banks of the country, calls are coming daily.
in fact! Taking a personal loan is also a hassle. By taking a loan, your bio-data is shared with all the banks and they track your records and contact you.
There was a time when I applied for a loan from a bank for the first time, after all the process, that big bank of the country refused to give the loan saying that “Your Net Salary is not 15 thousand rupees”. Actually, only twelve rupees were short of fifteen thousand rupees, so I could not get a personal loan.
Then after 6th and 7th pay commission the salaries increased and in 2015 I felt that I might need more money during my daughter’s marriage. So I contacted a major bank in the country to arrange for more Rs. But after all the investigations the bank refused saying that sir! “Your area is blacklisted from our bank’s point of view, so we can’t lend to you.”
Then after that it was thought that why not contact the bank where the monthly salary is deposited. So after contacting this bank as a first condition I myself told them that such and such bank has given me such an answer so if you want to give loan then you will give loan on our government job. It has nothing to do with our area or our residence because we have to pay the loan from our salary. The banker understood this and sanctioned the loan in three days.
From that day onwards, the phones of the banks started coming. The interesting thing is that the same bank which had refused to give the loan came forward and started giving me a loan and merged all the other loans into itself and that too at a minimum interest.
The matter does not end here. Rather, it should be said that the matter begins here.
Not only government employees but also other businessmen and doctors as well as well paid or earning people get calls daily regarding personal loans. Callers are very smart. As soon as they contact you, they start getting all your details.
Every day and every time, the phone calls have become a life-threatening problem for a common man. Even when you are in a meeting, the phone rings. Even when you are in the classroom, the phone rings. Similarly, even if you are driving, the phone rings and even if you are in the toilet, the phone rings. Not only that, but even if you are at someone’s wedding, the phone rings and even if you are attending a funeral, the phone starts ringing.
The condition is that the phone keeps ringing while sleeping, waking up, sitting up, laughing, crying, eating and drinking. Friends, not even a beggar knocks on someone’s door like this!
It also happens that a good ghazal is started and the second line is finished. The first line then continues with the contemplation that if done in this way or said in this way, the matter will be cleared and it will become a poem of the language. In such a case, someone calls from the bank and a good order goes bad. After negotiating with them, just as we start thinking about Ghazal again, a voice from the lower room says, “Dad, it’s time to eat, eat.”
As we continued to think about the ghazal and when we did not reply, the Begum herself came to the upper room and said that let’s eat with everyone else, later we will have to eat alone. I have to go shopping with the children. Thus, the problem of new ghazal becomes sour.
After all, what is the treatment for this phone that appears like an untimely death? Despite the daily ban, phone calls continue. Bored the other day, I said to a gentleman, “Sir, I think I have advertised in all the major newspapers of the country that I need a personal loan. Then you guys are not leaving me. As soon as he heard this, he hung up.
The fact is that now anyone’s phone starts ringing, if that number is not saved, then it seems that it must be a banker’s phone, and often it turns out to be true.
There is no criteria for callers regarding personal loans or housing loans. They follow the list that comes to them from mutual settings. At the same time, if someone’s number is found through any means, they make a call.
A few years ago, there was an incident in the newspapers that the then Rashtrapati of the country Mr. Pranab Mukherjee also received a call from a bank regarding a loan! Just think, why does the President of a country need a personal loan or a housing loan?! One question is that this happened and the second question is that how did the phone number of such a big personality reach the brokers of these banks??
Often their phones come down like an uninvited guest. Sometimes they ask if we can talk to you and yes if you say I’m busy right now I’ll call you later. And after two or four days or I am currently on a trip to another city and will return home after a month, these people note it in their diary and contact you again when your time comes. Anyway, this is part of their job, .so they keep doing it. But now this issue is spreading like a disease in our society.
Whose phone number these personal loan holders got or the person they fell in love with, understand that now they will be constantly worried. No prayers, amulets or tips have any effect on them and despite the prohibition of lakhs, the mafia calling for personal loans do not stop and when they see them, they are in the process of trapping customers in the name of different banks.
Any kind of loan is like a swamp from which a person can hardly get out and most of them drown. Or else some scoundrels but reliable type of people run away by whitewashing the banks. In other words, it is also a river of love and one has to drown in it by borrowing from the banks. Coming out with such debts is like cutting mountains and pouring out rivers of milk.
Where you have spent seven or eight months of the loan, the bankers will start explaining to you that we reduce your interest rate, you should merge your loan with our bank. Or in the same bank, by reducing the interest, they will give you a loan of two lakhs and thus make you more indebted for fifty or sixty months. But this series does not stop. Even after retirement, these bankers are ready to give loans for five to ten years. And you are told that money will continue to be deducted from your pension after retirement. do not worry. It’s also weird! A man thinks that he will enjoy his pension after retirement. But now even that is not happening and the hungry dragons of the years are also eyeing our old age income! After all, where would you go?!!
There is no fixed time for calling bankers. When their hearts say, they start calling. So much so that no one even remembers their children! Another aspect of personal loans is also very ugly. The brokers of the banks make you sign the form from place to place, but they never tell you the risk factors, and you do not read anything in the joy of getting a loan and are signed.
So, if you have arranged the loan repayment amount and you contact their respective office, so they feel bad at first. Then after that they charge you a loan closing charge. Some people don’t even know it can happen! So even as you go to get rid of your life, the banks are benefited. After going through the layers like this, the bankers take out your skin and the rest of the body part (which is not of any use) leaves it. The situation is that today I block three to four phone numbers every day, but this trend is still going on and it seems that this trend will continue till the doomsday. God save from these bankers!!
The author is a Assistant Editor : “Asasa” an Urdu Quarterly, Ahmedabad, Member SWA : Screen Writers Association, Mumbai
Email : [email protected]
