Her feeble voice, shivering hands and trembling feet tortured my conscious guilt. Who was behind this tragedy, witnessed by the poor and delicate creature?
I still remembered her miseries and aghast feelings, loneliness and dejection. She was only 22 years of age. A cute looking girl was marred, snatched of all happiness and joy. She looked like the child of oceans, far away from hue and cry of the world. The responsibility and obligations towards her family had grown up her sensible. Her behaviour was very unusual, accountability of sensitive approach in her work makes her altogether a unique personality. She always treated herself downtrodden and her introvert behaviour hides her all unique talents like writing, singing and painting. She wore a mask of lifeless entity over her charming face, as though all the miseries and gloom of sadness have overlapped her face for ages. Whenever, i looked at her innocent face, tears rolled my cheeks. I couldn’t stop myself from the guilt consciousness. Everyday, I used to blame myself for her sufferings. The guilt consciousness is a sin which left inside us the ever lasting dejection and gloom. I used to weep every single night because her innocent face has casted deep shadows upon my soul and the pain i was going through was permanent inside my heart.
Life is very unusual, sometimes the pain of strangers becomes the pain of our own-self. We do our hard to release it, but couldn’t. Everyday, she used to pass through the blink of my eyes and i felt her presence in my guilt consciousness. Now, it had been many days that i couldn’t sleep a deep slumber. I started to feel her pain, sufferings, dejection, sadness which was deep and buried. She never disclosed them to me. I tried hard to be the part of her tale of regrets, but failed. Though, her tale of regrets was visible from her face and lowering gaze. The innocent cute looking face was overshadowed with gloom and unbound responsibilities. For me, she was not the ordinary girl. I knew that something unusual has happened to her. As, i had a deep understanding of human psychology and my sub-conscious mind can not deceive me to recognise the personality behaviour of the people. So, i was very curious to know the tale of regrets, the poor creature (girl) has been facing off, so i decided to explore it.
I took pledge to face the same sufferings and started my journey. The journey that i have started was neither easy nor fascinating. The title which i have opted for my journey was Guilt Consciousness and inwardly i knew that i had to face many ups and downs. To my utter surprise, the first encounter i faced with a character namely “Dilemma,” who left me in chaos condition. I tried hard to get out from its equation but failed altogether. The character Dilemma asked me so many questions and gave me options to overcome problems, but i failed to choose appropriate one. So, Dilemma puts me in dilemma and i again recollected the memories of the poor suffered girl. With heavy-heart, I started to carry on my difficult journey. The second encounter i faced with the character “id,” and she was super talented and pleasurious too. At first sight, she grabbed me in her lap and proved me horrible sinner. I started to fall prey of my own journey, the journey of Guilt Consciousness?
The third character i met in my journey was “loyalty,” and he told me to become loyal but i refused him and choose disloyalty. The fourth character was very interesting, and her name was “honesty.” She asked me to be dedicated and have sympathy, care and love of others. She further told me to choose honour over dishonour, even though, i shall be killed. My misfortune was that i didn’t pay any heed to her suggestions. Finally, i decided to quit my journey, as I came to know that i will be lost forever. The journey was not easy and the poor creature (girl) had already been part of it. So, i understood that the pain in the world is permanent and nobody can avoid it.
Now, my incomplete journey and the sufferings of the poor Girl seems me same to same. The curiosity arose in me to meet the girl just for once in my life, but to my astonishment and utter surprise, i learnt that the girl had died last week due to depression in the longing for her beloved. I tried to confirm that who was the unfortunate fellow? The group of people replied, “Me and my guilt consciousness.”
The writer is a freelancer and can be reached at [email protected]
